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We’re much happier at other people’s weddings
My husband and I didn’t really enjoy our wedding. Everything went just the way it was supposed to and everyone had a good time. But the only way Jon and I might have felt comfortable during the proceedings would have been if we could have just signed a piece of paper in front of a justice of the peace.
We experienced the usual wedding jitters beforehand, but that discomfort continued throughout the ceremony and into the photography session afterwards. Once we moved onto the reception our feelings calmed a bit, but still it’s an experience we’re glad is far behind us. Our wedding DVD sits unwatched on the shelf and will probably remain so.
The main reason why we felt this way about what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives is that we’re intensely private about our relationship. We just didn’t feel comfortable suddenly taking one of our biggest steps in front of a bunch of other people.
Jon and I have always been this way about our relationship. We met in college through a mutual group of seven friends; we all lived in the same dorm and in our freshman year especially spent an inordinate amount of time with one another.
When Jon and I began dating we knew it was impossible for the dynamic shift not to affect the group overall, but I wanted to make sure it had as little of an impact as possible. I especially didn’t want to embarrass myself by being one of those annoying lovey-dovey types in front of my friends.
We kept as much of the romantic stuff to ourselves as we could, and tried to not act all that differently around each other when hanging out with the rest of the group. We’ve just always been that private as a couple.
Then suddenly for our wedding we had to do all of these things that for five years had been private, in front of a big group of people including most of those original friends. It just felt strange and wrong. Especially because although on paper we were making that huge step, we’d really made that commitment years ago. I knew Jon was it for me before we even got engaged, so everything else just felt like an unnecessarily large fuss over a socially-mandated formal declaration.
Of course I understand all of the reasons to have a wedding, even if I vehemently disagree with the behemoth event the contemporary wedding industry has turned it into, and how the focus has shifted so much to making the bride a princess instead of celebrating the couple’s love. That’s why we had the wedding, because it was important to our family and friends (I like to say that everyone says that the day is all about the couple when really it’s about family), and why after the more personal content of the ceremony, we started to feel more at ease during the reception.
At the end of the day I’m not complaining, though if I had a do-over I’d probably just go to city hall. But I loved the excuse to have all of my college friends in the same room together again, and I got the best chocolate cake recipe ever from the caterer. Oh and a husband too, he was quite a good benefit.
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