Communication with a teen can sometimes be a daunting and frustrating task. How many times have I heard, “Stop yelling at me”? When my volume isn’t really as high as my teen is making it out to be.
Or the way I say something can be totally misconstrued. No matter how much I try to “fix” my teen’s interpretation, they have heard what they believe they have heard and nothing is going to change that.
I am always looking for ways to improve communication with my teens. Much of this depends on their personality. For instance, there are certain tones of voices that one teen takes offense to that another wouldn’t.
But there is something else I have learned when it comes to communicating with a teen. You will get much further if you do less “telling” and more “asking.”
Let me explain what I mean. I have found that when my statements begin with, “You should,” “Why don’t you” or “You really ought to,” it comes across as telling them what to do. That immediately puts up a wall.
You can almost always count on a standoff occurring; because they don’t want ideas to come from you. They will feel much more empowered if they come up with a way of handling a situation or whatever the circumstance.
So change those “telling” statements to questions. “What do you think you should do?” “How do you think this could be handled?” “What is the best choice?”
Suddenly the ball is in their court. Now this doesn’t necessarily mean you will receive an answer. In fact, you might only get, “I don’t know.” That can be frustrating. But don’t let it get to you.
You have at least shown your teen that you are interested in hearing what he or she has to say. You aren’t dictating how they should act, respond or handle a situation. And that always goes much further.
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