A miscarriage is a traumatic event both physically and emotionally. It is also one of those situations where you may not know what to say or worse say the wrong thing because you thought you knew what to say. While I have never experienced a miscarriage I have known several women who have. I never knew what to say to comfort them. I remember a time when I found out I was pregnant just after a friend had a miscarriage. It was an awkward situation for both of us. What I learned is that just because a situation is awkward or uncomfortable does not mean it is time to run in the other direction. Not knowing what to say is normal as words in the face of such loss fall flat. So what can you do?
The best thing you can do is listen to she is feeling and what has to say. Assure her that her feelings are valid and whatever she is feeling she can express it without being judged. Treat her normally and with a sympatric face always asking “are you okay?” Give her the time to grieve yet follow her lead. She may not be ready to talk about her experience but would like to spend time with a friend. Let he know that you always have an ear to lend or a helping hand. Everyone handles grief differently. Some may find comfort in presence of friends and family while others want to be alone. If you know someone who wants to be alone then send a card or drop off a meal. This will let her know that you respect her feelings but want to show your love and support.
If you are unsure what to say then simply say how sorry you are and ask if there is anything you can do. Never say “you can try again soon”, “at least you were not that far along”, “something must have been wrong with the baby”, or “the timing was not right.” Do not dismiss the loss because she may have healthy children. A miscarriage is a loss of life and should be respected and treated as such.