Connecting to a teenager can sometimes be a challenge. However, there are several factors that will play into this including their age, their gender, how well you are currently getting along with each other and your communication skills.
Age can make a difference. I remember connecting to my oldest son to be difficult around the age of 12 and 13. But now at 18 we have some great conversations.
Some ages are more difficult and that can even vary from one child to the next. In general, the middle school years tend to be the most difficult. But I know parents (such as myself) who have experienced those difficulties during the high school years.
Then there is gender. At different stages connecting with my sons has been easier than with my daughter, and vice versa. Sometimes those difficulties can stretch out for several years.
It is no secret that moms and daughters tend to butt heads the most during the teen years. The same is true for dads and sons. Sometimes it is because those are actually the people they feel the safest having conflict with. It is as if mom or dad becomes a replacement target of their negative feelings and inner struggles.
Then of course, how well you are currently getting along will matter in whether or not you are feeling a connection with your teen. Some days, weeks or even months can be filled with ongoing conflict. Obviously that will make connecting harder.
But even when that happens, there are ways you can still try and make that connection. Keep eating meals together. Take advantage of every little moment in which you are getting along to talk.
Then there is your ability to communicate with your teen. It makes a huge difference in your ability to connect.
If your teen doesn’t feel safe talking to you, they will pull away and refrain from sharing what is going on in their world. If on the other hand they feel comfortable being vulnerable with you, then you will have some great connections.
There are lots of ups and downs when it comes to connecting with a teen. Don’t fret too much over the downs but make the most of the ups.
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