Whether the divorce was wanted or not it is still ok to grieve what could have and should have been. We all want nothing more than for our kids to have their parents together, to have what I like to call that “fantasy family,” the one where you and your kids all live happily ever after.
When I first got divorced, no one could understand why I was so devastated. The marriage had been a disaster long before it had even started. I was miserable and didn’t even realize it, but I wanted it back. I did not want to be divorced. In my mind I would rather be married and miserable than lose my “fantasy family” to a divorce. I felt like at least if I was married I had a shot of having that family I had always dreamed of. I felt like I had lost everything in that moment. I didn’t know how I was going to get through each day. Depression had set in full force.
After that first month or two went by, I started to heal a little bit. Each day seemed to get a little bit easier. I was moving forward with my life. I started school again at a new university; I was teaching art at a local elementary school; I was even dating again. It was a new beginning for me. That chapter of my life had closed and I had moved on to a much brighter one. There are still days when I find myself grieving the marriage. In a perfect world things never would have ended up this way. I have to remind myself that it isn’t him that I’m grieving. I am only grieving what should have been. Life certainly didn’t turn out how I planned it, but I know that someday I can have all those things that I’ve always dreamed of. Will they be a little different now? Of course, it’s all part of the learning process while we are on this earth. Lucky for us, things have a way of turning out even better than we ever could have dreamed.