I can handle small disagreements. We can usually move past them and get on with life. But it’s when we disagree about bigger issues that it can become problematic. Especially when neither one of us is willing to budge.
Through the course of our married life, we have learned something about disagreements. They should end up going one of three directions.
The first is that we agree to disagree and either table the disagreement for another time or let it go altogether. It depends on how significant the issue is.
For instance, I wanted to move for a long time. My husband wasn’t so thrilled about the idea. But I kind of went ahead and started looking on my own.
I found a house that I thought might be perfect. I talked to a friend who is in real estate and discussed scheduling a time to go in and see it.
But after discussing it with my husband, who had absolutely no interest and very valid reasons for not moving, I decided to let it go. It was just one of those things not worth stressing over.
The second way a disagreement will sometimes go is in his favor. If this is something he feels very strongly about and it overrides my feelings against it, then it goes his direction.
And of course, the third way of handling a disagreement is that it will go in my favor. The point is that it’s about how important the issue is as a whole and to each of us individually.
Well apparently we are pretty close to the way Dr. Phil and his wife, Robin, deal with disagreements. They take it a step further and rate the importance of the issue on a scale of one to ten.
So if one puts it at a 6 and the other a 4, it may not be important enough to deal with on either end. But if one puts it at a 10 and the other a 6, the one who feels so strongly will usually trump the other.
How do you handle disagreements in your marriage?
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