The holidays can be especially hard as a single parent. We all imagine what our lives will be like when we have children. We dream of picture perfect holidays watching the happy faces of our children as they share in our traditions. Then you get divorced and suddenly everything is not at all what you imagined.
No one gets married and imagines that one day they will be divorced so of course we don’t ever imagine a time when our children will not be with us for the holidays. The first holiday or birthday that you are divorced is the worst. You now have to work your day around someone that you are not entirely happy with right now.
The first Christmas I was divorced I just cried. I was lucky enough that Christmas was not a big deal to my ex husband so I got to have Hailey Christmas eve and morning. When he came to pick her up in the afternoon, I thought I was ready. I was fooling myself. Suddenly the Christmas music and the lights on the tree were glaring reminders that my life wasn’t perfect and I was alone on Christmas day. I spent most of the day crying. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be! I didn’t just want to watch my daughter open her gifts and then send her off to her father’s for the rest of her Christmas vacation. What about me? To say that I was feeling sorry for myself was an understatement.
I tried to remind myself that at least I had her Christmas morning, her father had to miss that. It wasn’t enough, it didn’t really console me. Every year got a little easier but it was never that wonderful picture perfect Christmas again.
It’s important to work out the holiday schedule with your ex, putting aside any feelings of animosity you may have. The holidays really are about family and your ex and his family are still a very important part of your child’s family. Children need the love of all their family, they need to spend time with everyone, sharing in all traditions. We, as the adults, have to make sure our kids get the best of both worlds.
Since my ex husband always let me have Hailey on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning I made sure those days had all of the traditions and family I could cram into them. We had Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. I made a special breakfast Christmas morning and we enjoyed the time we had together.
As for me, I made sure Santa brought me books for Christmas and when Hailey would leave I would run a bubble bath, take one of my new books and soak. Books helped me escape my sadness and gave me something to look forward to until she came home.