I’ve never been very good at standing up for myself. I’m a pleaser, so I tend to let people walk all over me, my ex husband included. There have been many times that I have given in to him to avoid the contention that inevitably follows if I don’t. This is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember, but I have finally come to the realization that it has to stop, because my needs are important too.
Many times I have become so consumed with keeping the peace, that I forget to take care of my own personal needs. When you are a single parent you have to take care of yourself. Your children are depending on you to be their strength. If you can’t stand up for yourself what are you teaching your children? You are showing them that it is ok to let other people treat you that way, unintentionally of course, but nonetheless that is the message they are receiving. You have to be the example for them. At some point you have to stand up for yourself.
Your needs are just as important as the people around you. Why should they continue to be swept under the table? There will be times when there is contention between you and your ex; it is the nature of divorce. Chances are you aren’t going to agree on everything, but you don’t always have to give in to their every whim. Do what you can to work together for your children, but don’t let him use you as a throw rug either. As hard as it may be, there are going to be times that you need to stand up for you and your children. They need you to be strong for them, and that includes taking care of yourself and your needs.