As couples start building their family, all kinds of questions and concerns are raised. Do you remember how nervous you were with one baby on the way? Now with two, how is this going to change your life? How will you manage more than one child? Since most children are two or more years apart, in addition to the adjustments for the parents, there are also adjustments for the first-born child. You would not think that children this small notice or are affected, but they are!
As the parents, you can prepare for the challenges your child will face. First, ask your family and friends to bring a little $3.00 toy or book to present to your first-born at the hospital. In fact, buy a small bag of inexpensive things to take to the hospital so if people do not have one or if you are uncomfortable asking, you can hand them one at the hospital. While this may sound like you are spoiling your older child, you are not. It is helping to validate in the child’s mind their value – that they have not been replaced.
Your oldest child is going to be taking everything in. The new baby will not have a clue that people came to visit or what gifts are being brought. This simple gesture to include your older child will keep them calm and not left out. When people come to the hospital or your home, ask them please to acknowledge your oldest child before the baby. Again, the baby will not remember a thing but the older child will. Too many times people walk right past a small child to coo over the new baby while the older child watches on. In their mind, just yesterday, you talked to them.
This does not mean that people have to go overboard and make their attention phony, but just a respect for the child who is aware to some degree of what is going on. More than likely, there will be an adjustment period for the child. The older child has been away from their mother for a couple of days or longer, and suddenly, mom walks in the door with another little person. Moms should pass the newborn to dad or another family member and go off with the oldest child to read a book or tell a story.
Children are much brighter than most adults will credit. By gradually, introducing the baby into the older child’s life will make for a better adjustment. The child will carry this respect forward with them as they grow older and while they may not remember each little gift or every person who took a minute to talk to them before the baby, they will have gained a stronger sense of self. That little act will provide confidence in your child and let them know that they are important.
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