What I’ve learned as a parent: I suck at beating the clock and apparently my decoding skills need major work too.
Who knew that 21 hours of labor would be the easy part of parenting?
I’ve been unscrambling my daughter’s cryptic messages for a few years now.
“Mommy, I am so cold!” she used to say to me while wrapping her arms around her torso.
My first reaction: Look at the thermostat to see if it was set too low, then grab a sweater for her, or in some cases, feel her head to make sure her shivering wasn’t the result of a flu bug.
I completed the aforementioned routine for about a month before I caught on that “Mommy, I am so cold,” really meant, “Mommy, I gotta go number two.”
Granted, she started using the “cold” code when she was about three years old, but her cryptic messages have yet to cease. My daughter is now six and I still get hit with:
“My mouth hurts!” Translation: “I’m full.”
“My throat is sore.” Translation: “I’m thirsty.”
“My feet feel fizzy.” Translation: “My shoes are on too tight.”
“I want something cold that I can turn into soup.” Translation: “I want ice cream.”
“Do you want ice cream?” I’ll say with a hint of aggravation followed by my stock lecture encouraging her to simply speak the truth and ask for what she really wants.
Her roundabout messages used to annoy the heck out of me. Dinnertime was the worse. I spent more time unraveling arcane strings of verbal puzzles than I did eating.
My frustration eased a bit after I shared my situation with other moms who were only too eager to admit that they too spend part of each day translating their children’s mysterious messages.
One mom suggested that a child, who struggles to say what he or she means, often has a strong desire to please others and is willing to go to great lengths to achieve harmony and make everyone happy.
I’ll admit that my daughter is somewhat of a people pleaser, though she is also fiercely independent and is not afraid to speak her mind.
My struggle to decode her esoteric phrases is waning, as she becomes older and is better able to articulate her wants and needs.
Still, there are moments when I wonder how much I could make as a professional linguist because goodness knows I have a ton of experience under my belt.