Once you and your child’s other parent get a “system” worked out to deal with custody and parenting responsibilities, it can be quite normal to settle into a state of complacency. After all, it may have taken a lot of grief and negotiations to get to a sane and stable place. However, it is important to periodically revisit and restate what is going on and make sure that everyone is still on the same page.
When I think of “assumptions,” I am thinking of the agreements we come to with the other parent, or things that evolve and seem to work just fine–but are not a written agreement. For example, I assume that if my kids’ dad signs them up and pays for an activity, he will take charge of making sure they get where they need to go. This is not something we’ve ever written down or stated as an on-going agreement. That is why it is important for me to periodically revisit this assumption and make sure that it remains true. It is a good way of sustaining communication, while not taking anything that has gone before for granted.
Assumptions can be hard because it may have been a real trouble spot for us prior to a divorce or separation, or we may be avoiding conversations with such fervor that we just prefer to make assumptions about what we hope will happen. It makes sense to keep in mind, however, that just because something has happened before, does not mean that it will go the same way in the future. Making assumptions doesn’t have to be a “bad” thing, but we do need to state them out loud and make sure the other parent knows what assumptions we are making so that he or she has the opportunity to either agree or refute. This way, we can stop misunderstandings before they get out of control.
Also: Figuring Out the Best Time for Co-parenting Discussions
Negotiating With the Ex–It May Take a Few Meetings for Tough Decisions