Many children who have Asperger’s Syndrome struggle with social situations. While other kids naturally learn to discern between when someone is serious and when they are telling a joke, the differentiation can be difficult for children with Asperger’s syndrome. Often, social skills need to be specifically taught, and practiced, (just as a new math skill would be). One good way to do that is to get the siblings of the child who has Asperger’s syndrome involved.
I was a senior in high school when my brother, (who has Asperger’s Syndrome), was a freshman. This gave me the unique ability to model appropriate social skills at school, and to give my brother a chance to practice those skills. I enlisted the aid of several of my friends, who already knew my brother, and were accepting of his differences. Together, we tried to make school a less anxiety provoking place for my brother.
All of use rode the same school bus every morning. As the bus pulled up, one of us would formally ask my brother “Do you want to sit with me on the bus?” We would wait for a yes or no answer from him. Next, that person would walk with him to the bus, find a seat, and indicate that my brother should sit with them. As he got more comfortable with figuring out how to find a seat on the school bus, we changed things. More than one person would ask my brother to sit with them. We modeled how to politely decline an invitation, due to accepting a prior invitation. “Sorry, I already promised someone else I would sit with her.” By the end of the school year, he was able to invite someone to sit by him, to politely decline offers, and to find a seat on the bus without anyone specifically asking him to sit with them. It took daily practice.
Teaching him social skills seemed to work best when a group of us modeled it for him, and gave him the chance to practice, and make mistakes, without being ostracized for them. I, or one of my friends, would meet my brother at his locker between classes, and walk with him to his next class. He learned how to make small talk with one person. He learned that people often talk to each other on the way to class. He learned that he didn’t have time to tell someone everything he knew about a particular video game in the few minutes between classes. By the end of the school year, he would meet me at my locker, without us planning it first, and walk me to class.
This worked well for him because I wanted to help, and I had kind and patient friends. My sister, on the other hand, was not comfortable doing this, which is understandable. My friends and I never sat down and planned out how to help my brother in these ways, we just did it. I think the naturalness of these interactions really helped him gain social skills.
Image by Doug Wilson on Flickr