Let’s face it…if you don’t talk to your teens about sex, someone else will. It is likely that they will receive misinformation or not the whole story. But a greater worry than that is the assumption your teen would never engage in sex. I have seen enough talk shows and newscasts to realize no teen is completely safe.
Talking to your teen about sex is important, even if it is uncomfortable. It may be uncomfortable for both of you but it is a necessary evil. Believe me, they are hearing more than you realize. Sometimes I shudder when my 6th grade son tells me something he heard or learned about.
So how do you talk to your teens about sex? First of all, I think it’s important that you are very clear on what your values are. Notice I didn’t say “rules.” Rules carry a negative connation and for some children, is a temptation to cross that line. But if you stick with values, it goes a bit deeper.
However you don’t want to just tell your teen what your values are, you want to share why you have those values. Why do you believe what you believe? Do you have religious beliefs that also play into it? Share those as well.
Now some people may ask, “When do I talk to my teen about sex?” Let’s put it this way…it should have begun before they ever became a teen. Children in elementary school are already discussing this issue. Don’t make the mistake in thinking that you are going to tell your child more than they know. The sad truth is that it’s very unlikely.
It also helps to talk to your teen about your expectations. Remember that sex typically begins in what may be “innocent” ways. Talking on the telephone, texting, through an email…these are means by which you need to establish certain expectations.
Discuss the ramifications of sending a picture or writing a text message that is provocative. Remind your teen that these can be forwarded onto others and come back to haunt them later in life.
What it really comes down to is being real and being honest. Keep the communication lines open and be willing to hear and discuss things that may make you uncomfortable.
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