.jpg)
Where do our irrational romantic impulses come from? Are they just something we naturally want; after all, everyone likes to be spoiled. But often we equate all romance with grand gestures, or expect our relationships to play out like fairy tales. We have the media to blame for that.
I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, and it must seem like I think we shouldn’t watch movies or television. I don’t believe that at all, but I can testify that too many romcoms, or at least, not approaching them in the right way, can have a negative effect. I was even part of a collegiate study on the topic, so I know that the possibility is there.
I like to use the book “Northanger Abbey” as a good example of the dangers of living too much in the stories we love. The novel, Jane Austen’s first, is a sort of disclaimer she wrote for the rest of her works: “I’m going to write these sweet, romantic stories, but be careful: don’t take them literally, or don’t expect your life to play out like them. They’re just stories, they’re not reality.”
In “Northanger,” the lead, Catherine, is addicted to novels. She spends her days with her nose in a book, or daydreaming away. She wants her life to mirror that of the heroines in her stories. She meets a dashing young man, Tilney, and is invited to stay with his family at their ancestral home.
She nearly ruins her relationship with Tilney because she looks for danger and intrigue (a large part of the gothic romances she reads) where there isn’t any, and almost expects Tilney to behave in ways that he wouldn’t. By the end of the book, she’s learned to see the line between fantasy and reality, between the romance of stories and how it plays out in real life.
Watching or reading too many romcoms, especially from a young age (Catherine is only a teenager) can be harmful. That doesn’t mean one should avoid them; they can also be harmless. The key is in how we approach them.
Perhaps our ideals of romance are formed by things that don’t exist, by situations made fraught and dramatic for the sake of action and entertainment. The important thing is to remember that when watching. We can lose ourselves in our entertainment, but we need to make sure that we aren’t carrying those ideals over into reality.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be spoiled sometimes, or chasing a little romance. Just be careful that you don’t expect your life to play out like a fairy tale or a trendy romcom. If you want a little of that romance in your life, consider kick starting it yourself. Often (but not always) the heroines in romcoms are passive; the men have to make the great declarations, or plan the grand gestures. Instead, try initiating it yourself. Remember: doing so shouldn’t set the standard, but should just be a special way you spoil your other half.
Related Articles:
Shakespeare and Romance: Romeo & Juliet
The Couple that Does Chores Together, Stays Together
Tossing the Bouquet and Garter
*(The above image by photostock is from freedigitalphotos.net).