Parenting and worrying go hand-in-hand—we want to protect our children from big mistakes and we want to guide and nudge them in the direction that we think is right for them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But, at the same time, we also need to learn how to allow our children to make choices and decisions too; and we need to trust that they will make choices and decisions that are right for them—even if they are not the same choices we would make!
This trust and allowing room for personal choice starts early. I know that some of us would like to think that our children need to EARN our trust, and that they need to prove themselves before we “allow” them problem-solving and decision-making opportunities, but I am of the opinion that we parents need to exhibit that trust and letting go up front—showing our children that we have confidence in them and trust that they will do what is right. Of course they will make mistakes, and of course they will learn from these mistakes. Mistakes are a part of living and avoiding bloopers, blunders, and mistakes is just too much unrealistic pressure.
We might think that older children and teenagers are the ones who need us to trust in their managing their own lives to an extent, but I think this starts with younger children too. Confidence, self-esteem and mutual trust is built by our stepping back and providing support and encouragement instead of sending the message that we think they need us to do things FOR them. If safety is not an issue (we wouldn’t let our child jump off the roof just so she could learn from her mistake), then we need to not only allow our children room to make these choices and decisions in friends, activities, career choices, etc, but we also need to let them know that we believe in them and trust them (NOT that we will allow them choices but expect them to fail) and have confidence that they will do the right thing.
Also: Is Lack of Trust Warranted or Is it Born of Fear?
Re-Building Lost Trust with a Child