Genealogy research uncovers a lot of information about a person’s family. Not every piece of family history is going to be positive and pleasant to discover. What do you do with the skeletons that you find hiding in the back of the closet?
Everyone who decides to take up the hobby of genealogy has an interest in learning more about their family. There are people who are certain that they are related to someone famous, and are hoping to prove this in their genealogy research. Others search for interesting family stories to pass down to younger members of the family.
What happens when you uncover a family secret that is unpleasant, disturbing, or extremely upsetting to learn about? Your ancestors were human, just like you. Humans sometimes make questionable choices and mistakes. Some genealogists may find it difficult to cope with the less than palatable information they discover about their ancestors.
Once you find a skeleton that has been lurking in the closet for a few generations, what do you do with it? The answer to that question will be based upon an individual genealogist’s values, ideals, and level of modesty. Some things might be better left unsaid. There may not be a good reason to inform your devoutly religious relatives that an ancestor was intensely connected to an entirely different religion than what your family now practices.
Other pieces of information, no matter how uncomfortable, could be very important for your relatives to know about. Certain kinds of mental illness can run in families, and can be passed down from one generation to the next. If your family has a history of severe depression, talking about it could lead to earlier treatment for your living relatives who are also depressed.
Whether or not you share what may be perceived as a scandalous piece of family history depends on how you think your relatives will take it. Today, the fact that a child was born to parents who were not married at the time may be “no big deal”. Times have changed, and that situation has lost the stigma that it once had. Your family might be quite accepting of this news.
What if you learn that an ancestor did something terrible? Do you talk about it, or do you push that skeleton right back into the closet? Ultimately, you have to use your best judgment.
Let’s say that you learn that an ancestor who served in the military did something atrocious while serving his country. Perhaps this person was awarded a lot of metals. Your family may currently see this ancestor as a hero. Is it really necessary to discuss the unsavory details about how that ancestor earned those metals? This might be a skeleton that should go back into the closet.
What if the patriarch of your family, generations ago, committed an act of incest that resulted in the birth of a child? There are certain genetic conditions that are more likely to occur in offspring that were produced by parents who were consanguineous. Should you inform your relatives about potential health conditions that they should be watching for, based upon this discovery? It is not an easy decision to make.
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