Some recent events that have unfolded in my home have opened my eyes to some truths that while they may not be easy to accept, they are part of raising teenagers.
It is the belief that your teens will share everything going on in their world. I guess I really thought I had the market on this one but apparently not.
One of the things that both my husband and I have strived to do in our home is to create a safe, secure refuge. That means our children can trust us, even when it means telling us the hard stuff. We are very open with our children and feel like we have conveyed to them that we are always here for them.
Yet I recently discovered that I don’t know everything and it was a little painful to accept. Through the course of some events, I then discovered that one of my teens had been actively seeking out counsel and help from an outside source.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is a wonderful person who I know is directing my teen in the right way. What I struggled with was, “Why didn’t my teen feel like they could come to me?” I took it very personally and was hurt.
In the past week I have had two separate conversations with people who either have teens or work with teens and I was reminded both times that as much as we create an environment of acceptance, our teens just aren’t going to tell us everything. I needed that reminder because quite honestly, that’s the norm.
Now my teens do share many things with me but I think there will always be those issues where they need someone from the outside. After spending a lot of time thinking about the situation, I have come to realize that I should be thankful my teen does have someone to talk to that can be trusted.
I guess all we can do as parents is to create the safe environment but then it’s up to our kids as to what they do with that. We can’t take it personally if they don’t share everything. In fact, as I was reminded by someone, sometimes they don’t even understand what is going on inside so they don’t know how to share it.
I guess this is that part of letting go. I have to learn to let go and allow my teens the opportunity to discover things about themselves that may be painful at the time but in the long run, will help shape their character.
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