Do you sometimes feel a bit out of sync with your toddler? If you do, do not worry. It is perfectly normal for that to happen. One possible reason that you may feel that way is that each of you has your own unique temperament, and people with different temperaments have different needs.
One way to think about temperament is to think about introverts and extroverts. I had to sit down and think about that this evening, because I had a pretty rough day. At the end of the day, I found myself wondering whether there was anything that I could do to get along better with my three year old son. We always seem to be butting heads, and that’s not much fun for either of us.
I am most definitely an introvert. As a child, I could spend hours playing alone or reading. I enjoy being around people, but I also like to spend time by myself. As I went through college and law school, I kept a balance between studying, doing things with friends, and doing things alone. My husband also enjoys doing his own thing, and before we had our first child we spent time doing things together, like cooking, eating, and hiking, and we balanced that out with plenty of time where we each enjoyed our own solitary pursuits.
Tonight, when I took some time to re – read the information about introverts and extroverts in one of my favorite books, “Raising Your Spirited Child”, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, I nearly jumped out of my chair and shouted “Aha!”. It seems as if some of the struggles that I have with my toddler might be due to conflicting needs that come from having different temperaments.
Tomorrow I will discuss the needs of introverts and extroverts in more detail, as well as some suggestions for how parents whose temperaments differ from those of their children can make sure that everyone’s needs (including their own) get met.