Sounds odd to have a list labeled the things I hate about marriage, but every married person has something they dislike about the state of, the institution of or just their own marriage. It’s natural to not like everything about everything or everyone. So bear in mind that as I write this, I keep in mind the 10 Things I Love About Marriage as I write the following:
- 10. The Laundry. For nearly a decade, I just threw our laundry together and did it all. He got used to the fact that I did that. But when I hit an average of six to seven loads a week, I started resenting it. Now he splits laundry duties – but two people + children generate a heck of a lot of laundry.
- 9. Scheduling everything. Scheduling is important because it assures us that we get time together. But I hate the lack of spontaneity. I hate having to make sure reminders are left out so that important days are not forgotten for me, for relatives and for our marriage.
- 8. Sharing the bathroom. Everyone has a pet peeve and sharing a bathroom is one of them. There’s a great deal of personal space that’s lost in a marriage. More evaporates when kids are born. Sharing a bathroom often means that when I’m in the shower, he’s going to use the facilities. Annoying!
- 7. Peas. Yes. Peas. He hates them. So I don’t prepare them that often. Being married sometimes means giving up favorite foods because one partner or the other doesn’t like them. I miss having peas. I could make them, but it’s wasteful if I’m the only one eating them. Green beans are no replacement for peas.
- 6. Snoring. We both do it. But it wakes him up whether he’s the one doing it or not. So then he tells me to roll over. One night, I was already up and in the bathroom and I heard him telling me to roll over. If snoring wakes him up whether it’s me, the dog or himself – I’m the one that has to be woken up and told to move – even when I’m not there!
- 5. Assumptions. You know what they say about assumptions and I hate that about marriage. If one partner always does something, the other just assumes they do. They don’t ask why. They don’t offer to take over the responsibility. They don’t even offer to split it. They might do it grudgingly and with stomping feet when asked, but who wants to bother with that response?
- 4. Repairs. When I was single and something broke, I called someone. Since I’ve been married, he says “I’ll fix it.” Problem is, he doesn’t fix it. I don’t know how to fix it. He doesn’t fix it. But he doesn’t want anyone called to repair it. So what happens? You spend six months with a broken knob off the dryer and have to use pliers to turn it on!
- 3. Cheerleading. You have to be your partner’s cheerleader. You really do. But some days, you have trouble getting yourself out of bed much less cheering someone else on. If you’re grumpy though, they won’t leave you alone until you tell them what is ‘wrong.’ If the ‘wrong’ thing is it’s just a bad day — oh pfft. Just say Rah Rah and move on!
- 2. Absolution. Marriage requires a lot of give and take. But sometimes you just get tired of saying ‘Oh that’s just so-and-so.’ Or you get tired of hearing ‘you never said that.’ The latter more than the former drives me nuts. I did say it. I wrote down when I said it. Why don’t you listen when I said it? They say ‘I’m sorry.’ Is that supposed to just fix it?
- 1. And the number one thing I hate about marriage? Sorting through the garbage. If he’s pissed at his mother, he yells at you for doing something remotely similar. His expectations are a lot higher of you than they are of the rest of the people in your life. He listens to them when he can’t remember what you said. Some days, it makes you just want to scream. Why do I bother!!??!! You know, that intellectually he has to probably cope with the same issues from you – but hey, this is what I hate about marriage – let him make his own list!
The above list was delivered tongue in cheek. Sometimes, writing about issues can relieve the pressure and make talking about them a much more reasonable exercise. What do you hate about marriage?