In part 8 of my series on “10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away,” we are going to be talking about how dismissing their hurts can be detrimental to your relationship. In fact, this is probably one of the biggest ways we can push our teens away.
One of the things we have to remember as parents of teens is that what we may consider to be “nothing” can be everything to them. Just because we can’t understand why they feel so strongly about something doesn’t mean it’s invalid.
Sometimes we make statements like…
“Oh, you’ll get over it.”
“Just forget about it.”
“It’s probably best this way.”
“It’s not worth crying about.”
We may mean well by these statements but what our teens are hearing is, “Your feelings aren’t that important.” Obviously it’s not how we truly feel as parents and I would guess that not one of us would actually say that but this is how it comes across.
While I definitely have empathy for people who are going through difficult struggles or circumstances, I tend to be of the mindset, “Just buck up.” Things roll off my back much easier than maybe for others. But it’s for that very reason I have to especially watch that I am not dismissing my teens’ hurts.
Honestly, some days I feel like my insides are going to explode because on almost a daily basis there is some new turmoil or drama going on in my daughter’s life. It can feel exasperating at times. But I can’t let those feelings dictate what comes out of my mouth or the way I come across to my daughter.
Their hurts are real…whether or not you can understand them, whether or not you can relate. Rejection feels like a stab to the heart. Bickering with friends feels like the world is going to end. A breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend feels like death.
We know these things work themselves out…but meanwhile, acknowledge your teen’s pain and be there for them. Don’t dismiss their hurts…they are very real.
Related Articles:
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Don’t Listen to Them (Part 1)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Focus Only on the Wrong (Part 2)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Expect Your Teen to Be Perfect (Part 3)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Offer Advice When They Don’t Want It (Part 4)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Believe They Don’t Need You (Part 5)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Use Sarcasm to Get Your Point Across (Part 6)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Criticize Their Style (Part 7)
Photo by darnok in morgueFile