There is nothing like hearing your teen bring up some of the mistakes you made when you were a teenager. While some may consider this disrespectful, I tend to view it as an urgent cry, “Please recognize that just as you made mistakes, I will too.” This is the focus on this part of my series on “10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away.”
Nothing will push a teen away faster than expecting perfection. Not only is it unattainable but it prevents them from feeling comfortable about coming to you when they do mess up.
Don’t we all want our teens to feel safe in telling us about their struggles? Yet when they do, if we unleash on them, it’s like a stab in the back. Here you claimed to be someone they can trust in, yet they are made to feel bad for not being perfect.
This is yet another thing I am working on when it comes to my teenagers. I have to expect that sometimes they will mess up. Would I prefer they never did? Of course. Would it make life easier if I didn’t have to deal with some of the situations I do? Most certainly.
But the reality is that just as I did stupid things when I was a teenager, they will too. I still strive to point them down the right path. I still try to guide them in making good choices. But I don’t expect them to be perfect.
It is also doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be disciplined or punished when they do wrong. There are consequences for making poor choices. But then there are times when we have to be willing to extend grace, especially if they are truly remorseful about something they have done.
It’s all about balance. But it’s also about recognizing that if we are imperfect, so will our teens be.
Related Articles:
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Don’t Listen to Them (Part 1)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Focus Only on the Wrong (Part 2)
Photo by jamelah in Flickr