Continuing on in my “10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away,” I am going to be talking about offering advice when your teen doesn’t really want it. The key is to know ahead of time, before you say anything, what they are looking for from you.
It is the easiest thing to do (at least for me)…to offer my opinion or advice on a situation my teen is facing. But if they aren’t looking for it, they may not only reject it but it may cause them to pull away from you.
When your teen comes to you about a problem or you sense there is one, ask if they need your advice. If your teen says no, take them at their word. Don’t push your advice on them. Think about how you feel when all you really want is a listening ear, yet the other person insists that you see their way.
Advice is often taken that way by teens. It is seen as them not being capable of handling the situation. Or that you don’t believe in them. It may also be viewed as you thinking you know all the answers when in fact you may not fully realize the entire scope of the situation.
I can’t tell you the number of times I have offered unwanted advice. Sometimes I would get an angry response, other times silence. The point is that my teen was closed off. They didn’t ask for it.
I am especially learning this with my daughter. She is more likely than my boys to tell me about something that is going on. I usually start off by saying something like, “How do you feel about that?” This allows me to learn more about the situation.
Then I might ask, “Do you want my advice on this?” In all honesty, the majority of the time she says no. She just wants me to listen, to hear her. That is what draws her much closer than my 40-some-year-old-thinking advice.
Listen and only offer your thoughts when they are asked.
Related Articles:
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Don’t Listen to Them (Part 1)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Focus Only on the Wrong (Part 2)
10 Ways to Push Your Teen Away: Expect Your Teen to Be Perfect (Part 3)
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