This is the conclusion on a 3 part series. To visit part 1 click here, to visit part 2 click here.
So why was it after almost 17 years I lay awake grieving and feeling guilty about my friend Joy’s accident?
I have hit a point in my life where there is a tremendous amount of contentment. I have a wonderful husband who is a great provider, two beautiful boys who’ve fulfilled my dreams of being a mother, a nice home, the coolest dog… I feel humbled and undeserving of such goodness. Joy will be turning twenty-nine this year and I am feeling guilty about such blessing in my life. I will not presume to think she is less blessed than me. I just wonder if her family holds any resentment toward me for moving on.
I really thought I had dealt with everything I needed to in regard to the witnessing of Joy’s accident. I guess it just goes to show that in every stage of life, people can deal with tragedy in new ways. That night I prayed for Joy and her family. I prayed the Lord would bless them, and provide for them.
I’ve thought about contacting Joy’s mom and asking if I could visit. Even when I think about making that move, I feel regression to the twelve year old I was. What if her parent’s are still mad? What if Joy’s mom also blames me deep down? I’ve avoided visiting for over ten years because I’m scared. I’m not sure what Joy’s like. I know she’s not the same eleven year old I once knew. I suppose most of me just desires to move on. Writing this is helpful.
Ultimately, I would like for Joy’s family to know I haven’t forgotten her and I am so sorry for what happened seventeen years ago. I know their life was changed forever and so was mine. If there was ever anything good to come out of this tragedy, it’s that I have gained compassion for those who have impairments and disabilities and I have a deeper appreciation for life in general.
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Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog