Grief is a complicated process by which we eventually accept our loss and begin to heal and move on with our lives. If you have experienced the loss of your spouse, either through death or divorce, it’s hard to believe that you will ever get through it, but healing is part of loss, just like pain is. Here are the five stages of grief which everyone goes through for any kind of loss, be sure to remember that you may not experience these stages as linear. Sometimes you will experience denial for weeks, followed by bargaining; you see there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and these stages are to be used as guidelines, they are not in stone.
Another important fact, if you can not get through your grief and are incapacitated by it for several months to the point where you can not function or find comfort anywhere, then this is considered profound grief and you should seek medical attention, in the form of a psychologist or your medical doctor, your health is important as your feelings, so be good to yourself:
Denial: This is typically the first stage of grief and is sometimes also referred to as shock. During this stage you may talk to your loved one, refuse to remove their clothes or other personal belongings from your home, or include them in conversations. You may be unable to cry and even wonder why everyone else is so upset. You may spend sleepless nights waiting for them to come home.
Anger: This stage can be the hardest to forgive yourself for feeling if your spouse has died. You demand to know why this is happening to you and may be very angry with them for leaving. Temper outbursts at other family members are common during this time, and you must learn to forgive yourself for these feelings in order to successfully move on to the other stages, and ultimately toward healing.
Bargaining: Although this stage is typically listed as third, it usually takes place while the spouse is still alive, or before they leave the relationship. We promise God at this stage that we will be good if only…if only they would get better, if only they would come back, etc. We beg or pray for things to turn out the way we would have them.
Depression: Often the most easily recognized and hardest to move through, this stage presents as being unable to leave the house, inability to stop crying, or crying for “no apparent reason” after we had thought we were beginning to feel better. Life seems to lose interest and we stop being involved in our day to day lives. This is the most dangerous stage of grief; we often have thoughts of suicide, and in some cases make suicide gestures, such as increased drinking or actual attempts to stop the pain by hurting ourselves.
Acceptance is the stage which brings the greatest peace of mind. Yet there is a difference between true acceptance and the mere resignation. Resignation means you are stuck, acceptance allows you to move on with your life with your memories of this person and being able to see the gift in every situation. It can take years, truly, so please seek out a support group if you are unable to move through depression or denial, you will get through this.