In my last blog I looked at the way, despite a similar upbringing, children showed different personality traits and interests. But is it possible for characteristics to be attributed to environment and upbringing? Below are seven things consistent in our parenting and the results.
1. From the time our children were young, my husband and I prayed for them and with them. We prayed for their safety but also for their commitment to Jesus and their spiritual growth. They both made commitments to Christ at an early age and then grew in that faith. To help with this, we read the bible with them, prayed with them, took them to church and tried to live a consistent Christian example. Because we are human, we failed sometimes to be the example we should have been, but we tried to live out our faith as best we could.
2. Both of us tried to spend as much time as we could with our children. And we decided I would stay at home while they were young, since we saw this as a valuable time in shaping personalities and behavior. This meant sacrifices in financial areas but great blessings in many other ways.
3. We limited the amount of television they watched and spent time playing games with them, or encouraging them to read or play with friends or pursue other activities like sport or music. They certainly were not allowed to watch some shows many of their friends watched. At times this became a point of contention but never a serious problem. Probably because we explained to them why we did not consider such shows suitable.
4. We were firm in discipline and expected obedience and a certain standard of behavior. They always knew what the consequences of disobeying set rules wouyld be. Neither of us believed spoiling a child and let them get away with whatever they like is good parenting. It is definitely not helpful for the child.
5. We encouraged them to read and read to them. They would often read a book I recommended. When they grew older I tried to read the same books they did so we could discuss them. As a result I ended up with a greater appreciation for children’s and young adult books, which could explain why I like writing for these age groups.
We never censored what they read as they grew older but trusted the values and teaching we had given them when young, would guide them. And often they rejected books themselves as being ‘not worth their time.’
6. They both attended public schools rather than Christian or church schools. That was a deliberate choice based on the fact of seeing it as important to have the influence of Christian children and parents in the public school system. They learnt early that being a Christian sometimes meant making choices and standing up against things others were doing. It also helped them become stronger in their faith, as they needed to think about what they believed and why and how important it was to them.
Often it meant they had two sets of friends – Christian friends from church and youth groups. And non Christian friends from school. But they both learned to mix easily with people from different backgrounds and relate to them.
7. As well as praying for our children we prayed for those they would eventually marry- that whoever and wherever they were, our son and daughter would meet them at the right time and that they would also belong to Jesus and start marred life united by faith in Christ.
Both our son and daughter went through a period where they went against this and dated non-Christians. We never stopped them but in each case warned them of the dangers and then prayed for them.
They each found out that it is not a good idea as it promotes conflict in a couple. After a while both of them realized it would not work and broke off the relationship, realizing they needed one who was committed to Christian ways. These days they are both happily married to Christian spouses and are strong in their Christian faith and marriages.
Did our choices and upbringing shape them into the people they are today, or would they have turned out that way anyway, regardless? I can’t answer that, definitively. All I know is what we did, and the results which show how God worked in their lives.
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