When my husband and I started the Adoption Process we were excited and eager. We were finally going to build the family we had intended on building years ago. We told our friends and families. We were going to start the adoption process in September of 2003 and hoped by the same time in 2004 we would have our baby. And one year later in September of 2004 on Labor Day, Connor was born. But looking back to the beginning of our process I remember being prepared for what could have been an overwhelming and complex process. At the time I did not know anyone who had adopted through an agency, so I really did not know what it would be like. Luckily we worked with a great agency that really took us through the steps of the adoption, and was there to support us throughout each step. They also gave us a comprehensive manual on adoption with explanations and tips to help us get through each of the steps.
Below I have written out the steps that a couple may have to take to get activated with an agency. Please keep in mind that all agencies may operate differently, and this is a basic overview.
Step 1. Choose your adoption agency, and fill out the preliminary applications, which may include the agency application and a Home Study application. Perfect your signature you’ll be signing a lot of paperwork.
2. Get fingerprinted for Background and Child Abuse Checks as soon as possible. Some agencies will have a specific location to have this done while others you will have you find a place on your own. Depending on your state, the clearances can take a while, so do it as soon as possible. Your husband may also worry if the time he was caught urinating in public at Mardi Gras will show up on the checks and prevent you from adopting.
3. Prepare for your Home Study. Your house will never be cleaner since you have spent the last three days prior to the Social Worker coming bleaching, disinfecting, and vacuuming up all the pet hair. You’ll frame and hang the family pictures that you have been putting off for years. You and your husband will sit and discuss “How do we resolve a disagreement.” In many states the Social Worker will have to come more than once to your house so you’ll have to make sure it stays clean.
4. Fill out another questionnaire that will help you get matched to a birthmother. Decide if you think you can handle raising twins or sibling groups. Decide if it’s okay with you that the birthmother drinks alcohol, smokes, or drinks coffee while she is pregnant. (I have to admit this is bit more complicated than what I may be making it appear.)
5. Spend every night for over a week writing your Birthmother letter. Read samples of Birthmother letters. Agonize that your letter is going to be read differently then others. Can’t you just put at the top of it “PICK US! PICK US!”? Actually consider plagiarizing one the sample birthmother letters.
6. Call the agency to see if your background checks are back yet.
7. Put together your Family Profile. Spend hours over pictures of yourself, your husband, and your family that you can send. Think “I’ll send this one with my nieces but I look too fat.” “Here’s a great one of Jeff and I, but he’s drinking a glass of wine”. Take pictures of your house, only to take them again, because you can see the state you live in on the license plate on the car in the driveway. Recall other hobbies that you and your husband have besides watching TV to add to the profile.
8. Call the agency to see if your background checks are back yet.
9. Wait.
10. Get the call from the agency. “Your Home Study is approved and you’re active with our agency”.
11. Wait.