Each year just after the lilacs bloom we pack the family in the car and go searching for a lilac bush. The local park has quite a few. To the casual observer it probably looks like we are enjoying the smell of the fragrant blossoms. But that’s not our goal. We are searching for the elusive three or even better five-petal lilac. Since most lilac flowers have four petals, it can take quite a while. But it’s worth it. After we get our special lilacs we drive to Grandpa and Grandma’s house for “Leprechaun Day”. Where Grandma looks through her magnifying glass and gives each child a clue as to where the leprechaun hid his or her present. Then the kids are off searching high and low. Squeals of delight are heard as the present is found, and they wonder how the leprechaun knew just what they wanted. And next year when the lilacs bloom the leprechauns will be out working their magic again.
My grandparents and parents knew that as a family, establishing traditions was very important, hence the establishment of “Leprechaun Day,” our own private family holiday.
William Doherty, director of marriage and family therapy at the University of Minnesota addresses the importance of family traditions or rituals in his book “The Intentional Family: How to Build Family Ties in Our Modern World.” He gives four main reasons family should develop rituals or traditions.
· It makes family life predictable. In a world that is anything but; having a ritual that is followed on a daily or weekly basis, such as family dinner or nightly story time, helps children and parents feel secure.
· It gives families a chance to reconnect. Rituals, such as family night or daily walks, give parents and children a time to connect and share their lives.
· Family identity is formed through rituals. Children today often search for a group to belong to. By establishing family rituals we give children an identity and a group to belong to, so they don’t have to go outside the family.
· Family rituals teach children what the family values. Doing service, attending religious ceremonies, and visiting elderly relatives all provide children with a set of values that they can take into adulthood.
The key thing is to establish rituals or traditions that the family feels are important and then do them, like “Leprechaun Day.” Establishing rituals or traditions is key to building a strong family.