We all know that men and women are different. We are built differently, we think differently, and we also need to be comforted in different ways. This means that giving comfort to a spouse can be challenging, because we need things that the other may not understand.
Women, being nurturers, tend to want to make everything all better. We have to be careful not to push too hard or make it about us. We might think, “If he would just open up, just tell me how he’s feeling and what he needs, I could help.”
Many men, however, tend to be more private when it comes to feelings and strong emotion. Many men don’t like to show pain and need time to sort through their feelings. His need to be alone doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you or need you. In fact, it has nothing to do with you. He just needs a little space, and he’ll let you know when he’s ready for more. Sometimes, doing nothing is the best thing you can do. Make an offer, but give him time. Say something like, “If you need to be alone, I understand, but I’m here if you need anything.”
Women generally prefer a more active and often a physical approach. We want to be held, consoled; we want to talk about it. If your husband doesn’t respond the way you need him to, try to understand that he’s probably doing what he would want you to do if things were the other way around. If he doesn’t know what to do, tell him. It’s okay to say, “hold me,” or “just listen.” Try not to fall into the trap of thinking he should know what you need because he loves you. He may not have any idea what to do, especially if you have never experienced a loss or serious situation together yet. Show him, tell him how to comfort you, and a loving husband will be glad to give comfort in the way you need him to.