If you have a toddler and a baby, chances are that one thing you will experience is your toddler snatching toys out of the baby’s hands. Sometimes the baby will protest loudly, other times the baby might look surprised but remain quiet, and still other times the baby may appear to have no reaction to the supposed injustice that just occurred. Believe it or not, this can actually be a tricky situation to navigate and the most beneficial thing to do might not be what you would think.
When you see a toddler taking a toy from a baby, your initial reaction may be to scold him and insist that he return the toy. Your initial judgment may be that he is acting selfishly, and being cruel to someone smaller than himself. While these things may be true some of the time, there may be other things going on.
Your toddler may be taking the toy to learn more about baby, to see what baby’s reaction will be. Sometimes, a baby will think that it is a game, and will laugh when a toy is taken out of his hand. Your toddler might also be taking the toy not because he is having trouble sharing toys but because he is having trouble sharing you and is unsure of how to tell you that.
Of course, the baby’s feelings must also be taken into account. No one would want the baby to learn through repeated experience to expect things to routinely be taken from him while he is using them. A parent would also not want to teach their baby to feel like he has no control over whether and when to share a toy with his older sibling.
So, what’s a parent to do when they see the dreaded toy showdown in action? The approach that I have found effective is to gently intercept the grab without making any judgmental remarks towards Dylan. When he gets upset, I reassure him that he can have a turn with the toy when Blake is finished with it. At the same time, I offer to talk with him and/or play with another toy with him while he waits. This approach helps Blake to feel secure in his possession of the toy for as long as he needs to play with it. At the same time, Dylan’s desire to play with the toy is acknowledged as well as his need for my attention. Usually the outcome is that within minutes, Blake drops the toy and crawls away to explore a different toy. Interestingly enough, if I have been sitting with Dylan and talking with him as he waits for his turn, he often forgets that he wanted the toy and does not rush to get it once it becomes available.
There are other gentle, peaceful ways to approach the toddler – baby toy showdown but I have not tried them yet. Do you have a go – to method that works for your kids?