Often the most volatile part of divorce has to do with custody of the former couple’s children. Hurting men and women going through a divorce will sometimes use their children as a tool for revenge to strike back at the other adult in their relationship. This only ends up hurting the children in the long run.
I know of one middle class ex-couple who spent $40,000 in legal fees fighting over visitation, and every aspect of custody. Too bad they could not put their selfish desires aside and figure out together what would be best for their children. That $40,000 could pay for at least one of their children to attend four years of college at the state university.
Using less than admirable tactics in this extremely painful process will only bring more sorrow and anger to everyone involved. I am not suggesting that you allow custody or parenting time to occur with a parent who might be abusive to the child-fight that will all of your strength, but do not let your anger at the other parent be the real danger. In other words do not blow potential problems out of proportion to gain the upper hand, and never accuse a parent of doing harm unless it is 100% true.
Parents should try to sit down together to communicate what is best for their children. Think through living arrangements, if a move will be necessary and how that will affect the children. Look at the schools and neighborhood you live in or will live in and choose the better one for the kids. Don’t put the kids in the middle and use them as a bargaining tool to meet your own needs or seek revenge on your ex.
Use lawyers if you cannot be in the same room as your ex, without fantasizing about homicide, to negotiate, but understand that as the parents of your children, you will know their needs better than anyone else in this world.