My husband and I are both very competitive people. Okay, well, he’s not as competitive as I am. I love a challenge. In fact, the best way to get me involved in something is to make it a contest. Who can do it better? Who can do the most? Who can deliver quality and quantity? Yeah, you get the picture. Well knowing this and understanding this – it’s important to recognize from the get go that while competition can be healthy – it takes work to keep it healthy.
Competing with your spouse invites a lot of problems unless the two of you are talented at balancing out your needs with your competitive streak. After all, we my husband and I can play video games – but if he gets on a long winning streak – it may very well be time to take a break and play something different.
Opposition In Marriage
The problem in competition, any competition, is that your opponent is not necessarily on your team. It creates an us versus them mentality. Now, that being said – we can keep competition healthy by being honest about it on several fronts. For example, one thing about competition that I enjoy is that it keeps me honest and it makes me strive for my best.
I like the idea that competing with my spouse can bring out the best in both of us. But it can also bring out the worst. So how do you balance the positives against the negatives? You emphasize good sportsmanship and you remember – that whether you win or lose – it really is about how you enjoy playing or competing against each other.
Sports, Career, Life & Everything
Too many couples that get caught up in being the best can feel challenged, belittled or somehow less if their spouse is better. This can create an inequality in the relationship and that’s the sign of a problem that you both need to address. If you are so intensely competitive that you can’t take losing whether it’s to your spouse or anyone else, then it’s probably time to look at why you feel that way.
In my marriage, we enjoy healthy competition. But we also recognize that there are just some things we should never compete for. The title of best parent – nope. The title of best spouse? Absolutely! Cause it’s great fun spoiling each other rotten. What about who makes the most money? Well, isn’t that all about perspective? We jokingly compete on who is bringing in the most dollars – but it’s more about what we get to do with the extra than who is doing the most work.
Marriage is about give and take. It’s about ebbs and flows. It’s about succeeding in the face of the challenges life throws at you. When we remember that – it can help us to not only enjoy our competition, but also keep our competition clean and honest.
Do you enjoy competing with your spouse? If so – what do you like to compete over?
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