Recently my husband and I had a discussion about our communication skills. I felt that he was not communicating with me like I needed. I need to talk about things as they come up. He rarely sees a problem. I need to know that things are okay at the end of the day, while he can sleep like a baby even when things aren’t going so well. I need to be hugged and “loved” emotionally. He’s been busy at work and has felt tired and disconnected lately. See the problem?
The truth is though; these things don’t have to be a problem. What I realized is that I was spending quite a lot of time telling him what I needed. I needed to feel more love; I needed more communication; I needed his time; I needed his patience. And yet those very things that I needed from him, I wasn’t giving. I had become resentful and disconnected myself. I realized it when my husband came home for lunch the other day and told me what a rough day he was having. He asked if I minded if he took his lunch back to work (he works within walking distance of home). Instead of understanding that he’d had a rough day, I got upset and pouted. After all, I’d made him a nice lunch in the hopes that we could spend a bit of time together and here he was leaving. Later, after he’d gone, I felt awful. The realization hit me that I needed to give what I hoped to receive.
It’s easy in a marriage to focus on yourself. We’re wired to do that from the time we are born. But marriage is a two way street. Often, if you meet the needs of your spouse, they’ll meet your needs as well.