Many children today no longer have a set of beliefs or values that they adhere to. The results are apparent as teen drug use, depression, violence, and sex is commonplace. It is a parent’s responsibility to teach values and beliefs.
Why do many of today’s children not have values?
Dr. Andrew Mullins author of “Parenting for Character” says, “Good parenting focuses on long-term outcomes, not just the immediate physical and emotional welfare of a youngster.” Too many parents focus on raising happy children instead of raising children who can become happy, mature adults with a “clear set of goals and values.”
Many parents do not have a set of values that are strong enough. In today’s world children are exposed to many attractive influences and platitudes like “do what you think is right” and “don’t hurt anyone deliberately” are not strong enough for children to resist worldly influences.
Sometimes children deliberately choose different values from their parents because their parent’s values seem unattractive. Or their parents have portrayed the idea that their values have not made them happy.
Other parents do not actually live the values that they are trying to teach their children. “Parents who wish to pass on cherished religious beliefs and practices will need, above all, to model those practices in their day as an expression of heartfelt gratitude towards God, and to show that these beliefs and practices are the source of deep peace and equanimity in the face of every small and great challenge that life can bring.”
When should a parent teach their child values?
Outside societal influences are much stronger than when we were children. As a result firm beliefs and values must be instilled in our children when they are young. Younger children learn quicker and easier. They have a sense of right and wrong. They also want to please parents. If a parent instills within a young child certain values they will stand strong during times of testing. Dr. Mullins says, “All teenagers were once toddlers and their problems in adolescence are simply the unfolding of the strengths and weaknesses they acquired, with their parents’ help, as young children.” Don’t leave the teaching of values until your teenager becomes involved in something you disagree with. Start teaching values before it is a problem.
How can parents teach values?
Parents are responsible and in control. They have an incredible impact upon the things that their children see, hear, and are exposed to. They can influence a child’s friends, media choices, clothing, and behavior.
Many people instruct parents not to shelter their children from the world. Dr. Mullings says, “This is nonsense. Children shouldn’t be swathed in cotton wool, but every family should be a sheltered family.” Exposing children to worldly influences can cause serious damage when “through inexperience and lack of clear knowledge of what is right and wrong, they make decisions that have lasting negative consequences.” Parents have the right to manage the world that their children grow up. Find families with similar values and spend time with them. Encourage your child to make friendships with friends that will support their values.
Let children do as much thinking for themselves as possible. Teach them your values then allow them to make choices for themselves within certain contexts. When you do have to override a child’s choice Dr. Mullins tells parents to, “explain simply and honestly the why of decisions you have made in their interests because there has been physical or moral danger involved in following the child’s preferred direction.”
Be specific about the things that you believe in and value and talk about them often. Live the values in your own life and show your child why they are important. If you want your child to be honest you have to live it. My son still remembers the time I was at a dollar store. I put my three children back in the car and was looking at my receipt as I loaded the bags in my trunk. Then I noticed that I had not been charged for an item. So I put my kids back in the cart, went back in the store, and waited in line to pay for the item. The funny thing is that the clerk was annoyed that I came back. But my son was impressed that I would go back in for just a dollar. The value of honesty was taught.
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