As you go about your day, your child is constantly observing you. Even the developmentally delayed child is constantly trying to process information and make sense of what she sees. As a parent, you are your child’s primary role model. The way you respond to various situations makes an indelible mark on your child’s psyche. A behaviorally-disordered child is especially in need of a good parental role model. Kids who have trouble controlling themselves crave visual “cues” for how to act. So it’s a good idea to take stock of your own behaviors and make improvements whenever possible. Don’t assume that a child with a disability doesn’t learn from your actions.
When you…yell, scream, explode, and come unglued…
You teach your child: It’s alright to lose control and raise your voice around other people. And I’m not able to handle tough situations, so don’t expect that you’ll be able to, either.
When you…argue with your spouse in front of your child…
You teach your child: The way to handle disagreements is to shout and insult someone else. It’s okay to yell at the people you love if they irritate you.
When you…put things off until the last moment, then rush around frantically, running late…
You teach your child: Chaos is a normal part of life, and planning ahead isn’t important. Being prepared and on time doesn’t matter.
When you…leave the television running at all hours…
You teach your child: Quiet, tranquil moments should be filled up with a lot of visual and auditory sensory input. Silence is uncomfortable. Conversation between family members is less important than being entertained.
When you…get impatient and rude with people who are waiting on you or assisting you…
You teach your child: Being polite doesn’t matter. And you don’t have to be patient when waiting your turn.
When you…are frequently critical of your child, pointing out every mistake he’s making and rarely noticing the positive…
You teach your child: You are a disappointment to me. You just can’t do anything right. There are few things you do that please me, so don’t even bother trying.
Parents, like it or not, you are always role modeling for your child. So here are some things to remember:
1. Demonstrate Appropriate Behavior. If your child behaves inappropriately, see it as an opportunity to teach a better way. Give the words and demonstrate the actions. If your daughter snatches a toy away from another child, say, “That wasn’t polite. Why don’t you say, ‘May I play with your toy, please?’”
2. Keep your cool, and be patient. If you are constantly behaving like you’re stressed out and grouchy, or if you’re critical of others, that’s what your child will learn is normal and acceptable.
3. Think before you act. When something frustrating happens, pause for a moment. What behavior would you like to model for your child? How do you hope your child would act in a similar situation?
4. Explain your behavior. If you lose control, take a deep breath and explain, “Mommy got frustrated, but I should not have yelled that way. That was a mistake. I’m sorry.”
5. Notice the positive. When your child is polite and well-behaved, be sure to point it out. “I really liked how you shared your book with your brother. That was very kind.”
For more tips on teaching your child appropriate behaviors, click here.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.