Most families have at least a few traditions that they enjoy throughout the holidays. This can make things hectic for the couple that wants to spend times with both families, especially if plans are rigid.
The best way to keep the peace and ensure that everyone enjoys the holidays is to find way to adjust, rework, and sometimes blend family traditions. Suppose his folks have always hosted Thanksgiving dinner but your Mom also has it at her house. Are you going to eat with his family then yours and then have turkey with all the trimmings at home? Doing so can add up to a lot of stress, too much running around, and way too many calories!
If everyone is willing to work together and bend a little, you can probably work something out. Grab your mom and your mom-in-law and go out for coffee or lunch. Discuss the issue and see what kind of arrangements can be made. If the men tend to be rather involved in the holidays and not just couch potatoes looking for some turkey to go with their football, invite them along as well.
Having this discussion on neutral ground, in a public place, will help diffuse tension and keep everyone more calm. It might be simpler to work out than you think, although you will have to compromise and be willing to give on some issues too. Maybe your folks are willing to plan their gathering a little earlier in the day and your in-laws will agree to host something later than they usually prefer in order to accommodate everyone (if you’re not the only ones of their “kids” that are caught up in this juggling act, it might help to mention that fact).
If you’re families get along well, another option may be to trade off hosting the event each year and have both families celebrate together instead of separately. I always assumed that my mom would insist on hosting but found that she actually enjoyed having an occasional year off where she had the chance to be the guest instead of the hostess. You may be able to take turns, allowing your in-laws to host one year, your folks the next, and you the following.
Do you have any tips to share when it comes to blending family traditions?
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