Girls grow up rocking babies and playing mommy. We assume that when we find our man and the time is right, a baby will come. We spend years of our lives avoiding pregnancy until the right moment. Finally, you find the man of your dreams and the timing is right. You ditch the birth control and get ready to decorate that nursery.
Unfortunately, for thousands of couples pregnancy is not easy to achieve. For the first few months, you may not worry. Then the months go by and you begin to get worried. The worry grows the more time passes. Finally, you call the doctor and begin to look for the reason you aren’t getting pregnant.
Trying to have a baby and not getting pregnant is one of the most stressful situations many women face. It causes stress in all areas of life, work, family relationships, marriages and friendships. You wonder, “Why is this happening?”
One day a friend calls to tell you she is pregnant. You are happy for your friend, but you may not be able to control the feelings of jealousy the news brings out. This feeling of jealousy is worse the longer you have been trying to have a baby. When you’ve been trying for many years and several friends and family members have gotten pregnant and had babies, the feeling can become unbearable.
You want to share in this happy time, but you want to share in it by being pregnant together. The news may bring out feelings of anxiety and depression as well. You smile and congratulate her, but you can’t wait for the conversation to end. When it does, you sit and cry.
Several months later, you get an invitation to a baby shower. There are a few ways you can handle the situation. How you choose to handle it will depend on several factors. One is how long you have been trying to get pregnant. Another is how close of a friend you are to the pregnant woman. If you haven’t been trying for very long, you may be able to suck it up and go to the shower.
If you’ve been trying for years and are dealing with depression related to your infertility, attending the shower may be too much. I had to skip a friend’s shower during the time we were trying to conceive our first child. You don’t want to ruin your friendship, but you need to focus on your own health. A close friend may be able to understand your inability to attend the shower and will forgive you. Send a gift to your friend. If you can’t bear to enter a baby store, buy a gift certificate on the internet.
If you find you are experiencing severe depression and insane jealousy, consider talking to someone. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings and maintain your friendship. Ask your infertility specialist for a referral to a therapist who is experienced in dealing with these issues. Some clinics have a therapist on staff to help patients deal with the pain of infertility.
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