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Fantasies of Grandparenthood

My kids have a lot of grandparents. All of my own biological grandparents are still alive and living independently in their seventies and eighties. Meanwhile, my kids have two full sets on their dad’s side and a full set on my side too. So, you could say my kids have an abundance of grandparents and they’ve been able to get to know them all (some better than others, of course, but still, they know them all.) I’m a little jealous. I’m here to tell you that grandparents have it mighty good.

The full extent of how good grandparenthood is came to me just a couple months ago. My middle daughter and I were recovering from a particularly intense negotiation session. One where she had shared with me how sorry she was that I was an abomination of stupidity and she had no idea how she could be expected to grow up with such a dumb dumb for a mother. We were both a little shell-shocked, so we walked over to a nearby deli for a late lunch of sandwiches and recovery.

Gazing out the window, she says to me (and I’m not joking here), “It must have been so great growing up with Grandma T. She’s so tight.” I tried not to choke on my organic vinegar and salt chip. Of course, it seemed only months (I know, it’s actually 25 years) since I had been that snarky fifteen-year-old spewing at my mom (Grandma T.) and trying to figure out how I could be expected to grow up surrounded by such embarrassing morons. How on earth did MY MOTHER become so incredibly cool and “tight”? OMG (Oh, My God!).

Grandparents have it so good—they show up with arms of gifts and always have enough money for the stop at McDonald’s or the dinners out. They send birthday cards that, when opened, release nice, pressed green money. Grandparents look on knowingly as commiserating accomplices, and always have ice cream in the freezer and brand-name soda in the fridge. Grandparents still get hugs from teenagers and squeals of anticipation and delight from the younger set. Grandparents have definitely earned their wings.

At this point, I don’t know if I’ll ever be a grandparent or not—or even if I’m up to the task. It’s hard to imagine being able to let go of the mothering role. I do like to fantasize about grandparenthood, though, and I wouldn’t mind being considered cool or “tight” and graduating from being the dumbest mom on earth…