How good of a communicator are you when it comes to talking to your kids? Are you wishy-washy? Do you beg, plead and coax your kids into doing what you want them to do? John Rosemond in his book, The New Six Point Plan for Raising Healthy, Happy Children, says that parents have to learn to give instructions to their kids that are commanding, concise and concrete. He calls these the three C’s of good communication.
Commanding
When communicating with your child speak directly to them using authoritative statements such as, “I want you to..” or “It’s time to…” If you want your child to do something you can’t beat around the bush you have to tell them in precise terms what it is you want them to do.
Concise
When communicating, don’t use more words than are necessary. Once we start lecturing, kids have a tendency to tune us out anyway.
Concrete
Don’t talk in abstract terms. Don’t tell a child that you want them to “be good”, that’s too abstract. If you want them to sit quietly in church then say so.
The author also identifies several other types of common errors that we parents make when we communicate, some of these errors include:
(1) Phrasing instructions in the form of a question.
Example: “Would you mind picking up your toys?”
Instead tell your child to “please pick up your toys”.
(2) Giving young kids too many instructions at the same time.
Example: “I want you to pick up your toys, clean your room, feed the dog..”
Give one command and tell the child to come to you for further instructions once they complete the assigned task.
(3) Preceding an instruction with, “let’s”. This implies that you and your child will be completing a chore, for instance. Instead, if you want your child to clear the dining room table, then tell him to do it.
(4) Expressing an instruction in the form of a wish.
Example: “I wish you would get off the phone now.”
Instead simply tell your child to get off the phone.
(5) Giving instructions with no time frame.
Example: “I want you to mow the lawn.”
You have to be more specific than that. You must set a deadline for accomplishing the task.
As I was reading this section of the book I realized that I commit many of these errors. Some of you probably do also. It seems so simple in hindsight. But when we are talking to our kids we don’t realize just how wishy-washy we are in our communications. But now that I know, I can work on being a better communicator.
See also:
Four Words I Promised I Would Never Say As A Parent
How Well Does Your Family Communicate