I never knew what guilt really was until I became a parent. I found myself on my own by the time my daughter was just two-months old. Working full-time was a necessity. It broke my heart daily to leave my infant and head to work. Fortunately, I was able to lean on my twin to help me with her during the day. Daily I faced issues of guilt. I wanted to be home with my daughter being the Mother I wanted to be. Instead I was forced to be in an office away from my baby and was forced to rely on someone else to care for her. Nightly after I got her home I would do nothing but focus on her feeling if I gave her enough squeezes and kisses it would make up for my absence during the day. It was heartbreaking.
Later I was more able to come to grips with the fact that despite the fact that I had to leave her each day to got to work that she knew I loved her and we could still foster a loving relationship. My daughter is now four-years-old and loves going to her pre-school every day. She has a network of friends and a small social circle. However, even though I know she is in a good place and enjoying her day I still battle Mommy guilt, daily.
Constantly I feel a tug of war between my work responsibilities and parental responsibilities. There is only so much time in the day to accomplish all that needs to be done. In an ideal world I would be able to have much more time during the day with my daughter in these years before she begins elementary school in addition to being able to have a career that challenges me and that I enjoy. It is not possible however to give one-hundred-percent to everything. It is not possible to not work full-time at this point so I must do what needs to be done and make the most of my time with my child when I have her with me.
This is a common battle whether you are a single parent or not. Do the best you can, find comfort in the fact that you are doing the best you can. We cannot be all things to all people. We cannot be in more than one place at once. We are not perfect we are parents trying to make it through each day. Give yourself a break. Guilt is something common to parents and we will always struggle with it. However, at the end of the day when your child puts their arms around you and tells you they love you the insecurities tend to melt away, you are in the moment and hopefully know at that time you are doing something right.
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