Ask couples why they seek marriage counseling and you will get a plethora of answers. In fact, with one couple you may get two entirely different answers from each person as to what brings them to therapy.
Statistically speaking, the number one issue that brings couples into therapy is communication problems. There is a reason that the book Men are From Mars Women are From Venus, by John Gray, was so popular. People can identify with the fact that men and women are different. We are especially different in our communication patterns. Therapists can help couples to identify their unique communication patterns, and can help each partner to better understand one another, with the of bridging the communication barrier.
Another reason couples seek therapy is due to power struggles. It is difficult to have a successful relationship if both participants are consumed with winning. As soon as members of a couple seek to “win” in the relationship, either through getting their way or being the dominant party, there is a cohesiveness and partnership that is jeopardized.
Most commonly when I speak with couples, either before marriage or during, I find that there is commonly a disappointment, to varying degrees, due to false expectations. When you decide to be a couple and have a relationship with someone it is crucial that you do not believe that that person will change. If your partner has a habit that secretly drives you crazy, there is a 99% chance that ,even if you bring it to their attention at some point, the behavior will continue. What you need to ask yourself is, is this something I can live with? False expectations, especially expectations of change will leave you unhappy and disappointed in the long run.
Other reasons couples seek help is due to affairs, personal issues, or sometimes an overall lack of love. There are occasions when a spouse or partner is dependant on alcohol or substance abuse. In these situations, couples thereapy is recommended.. This is important to the healing processes, but in this particular circumstance, it’s important to state, the spouse with the addiction issue will need to seek individual treatment as well.
When discussing therapy with your partner, try to identify the areas you want to work on in your marriage that are affecting you the most. As long as you are both willing participants there is a strong likelihood that marriage therapy will help your relationship.
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