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Do You Want to Fight?

Chances are, you have no interest in fighting with your spouse – few of us do. A fight may seem inevitable, but truthfully there are many things we can do to help ourselves avoid these so-called ‘inevitable’ fights. How, you might wonder, can you avoid a fight? You do it by stopping the fight before it can even begin. The following tips are designed to help you avoid those fights with your spouse by putting both of you in a better frame of mind to cope with each other and potential upsets.

The following tips can help you avoid fights, especially the unneccessary ones:

  • Attempt to look at the situation from your partner’s viewpoint – do they have valid points? One of the fastest ways to nip an argument in the bud is to not fight; if you can honestly see your partner’s grievance chances are you aren’t going to sit there arguing with them over it, you’re going to agree with them and that can eliminate a number of the negative feelings
  • If you can’t see the matter from your partner’s viewpoint and what they have said is angry or hurtful, take a deep breath and count to 50 or 100. Literally control your reaction, because two hotheads are just going to make the argument worse for both of you – by counting and breathing deeply, you can deplete some of your own anger and be more rational in your responses
  • Set some ground rules and stick to them, even in anger. One of the reasons we refer to the rules of war in a civilized world is because rules can help to avoid larger problems – in the case of your marriage, your rules should be to stay on the topic of discussion, don’t lob verbal bombs into the fray in the form of blame, personal attacks or inflammatory criticisms. If you’re angry, these rules can be hard to follow, but these rules can keep you both on the argument and trying to resolve it, rather than dredging up the past
  • Don’t fight before food, seriously – it’s bad for the digestion and it’s difficult for the two of you to be remotely reasonable when you’re tired, hungry, cranky or all of the above. So table discussions that are liable to get you into a fight at the meal table and you may discover what was really annoying when you were hungry is far from as bad as you may think

While these tips will not resolve your problems, not exactly, but they can help you to resolve them without a lot of fury and noise.

How do you avoid a fight?

Related Articles:

Are You Perfect?

Don’t Quarrel in Front of the Kids

Problem Solving: Resolving Together

How to Compromise

But I Digress …

Using I Language

This entry was posted in Advice and tagged , , , by Heather Long. Bookmark the permalink.

About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.