I hear this often as one of the primary reasons against co-sleeping. Some people feel that it interferes with intimacy between a husband and wife. Others tried co-sleeping for a short period and found it very difficult to get their child out of the bedroom. Many of you who regularly read my blog, probably already know that we are a co-sleeping family. Simply put, I would not have maintained an ounce of sanity had we not co-slept with the twins. However, I have also stated that whatever gets mom and baby the most sleep is the perfect arrangement for you. I did want to take a minute to address the idea that your child will never leave if you start co-sleeping.
A Matter of Perspective
I certainly agree that one of the things you should think about before bringing baby into bed with you is how long you and your husband are okay with this arrangement. We did not start out a co-sleeping family. Our in-laws strongly felt that we might squish the baby, our friends thought it would interfere with our intimacy, and well, it was just a foreign idea. But then days turned into weeks and because our first baby was an “all night buffet” type eater, it was not long before I was exhausted beyond the point of coping. This is how we started co-sleeping–it simply bought me more sleep and allowed me to keep nursing. All this is to say is that our perspective changed as we found that my being better rested actually bought more intimacy into our marriage rather than less.
As we began to work more with our babies needs, we came to the conclusion for ourselves that we were fine with babies in bed with us until they’re ready to move out. We have yet to have anyone stay more than four years. We are okay with children coming to sleep with us in the middle of the night if they feel the need. With that said, we definitely have certain boundaries in place. Some of you may be reading this and going “Oh, three years isn’t so bad.” Meanwhile others of you are reading this thinking, “Yikes–three years!!!” Again, it’s all a matter of perspective.
Moving Out
Moving a toddler out of co-sleeping is a process–not a one time event. Most families that I personally know who practice co-sleeping allow their children to come back into bed with them as needed; or at least sleep in the same bedroom. Timing is everything and it is never a good idea to change anything in your toddler’s routine when there are other things going on in the house. You may have bought that new house so that everyone can have their own bedroom–but you shouldn’t expect junior to be thrilled about the idea right away.
How Long is Too Long
There isn’t an answer to this question. Different babies need different things. And yes, you can look at your child’s wanting to be in bed with you as a ’need’. We start encouraging our babies out around 14 or 15 months by letting them start the night in their own beds. However, we allow them to come into our bedroom as needed. I think the needs of the child must be balanced with your needs in determining the right time for your children to leave your bed. In any case, co-sleeping can be a wonderful way to help moms and babies get more sleep, encourage breastfeeding and encourage bonding between baby and dad.
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