The Weekend Marriage by Mira Kirshenbaum provided some interesting insights and some disturbing ones as well. She asks the following questions about whether you have a ‘Weekend Marriage”:
- Does your life center around your child(ren) and your job(s)?
- Are you both exhausted on weekdays?
- Do you feel like you move from one crisis to another?
- Do you table romance till the weekend along with the yardwork?
You are most likely one of the marriages that is falling into Murphy’s Law of Marriage. The less time you have together, the more things will go wrong in your relationship. If you’re in this position, it’s really not fun. Many times we feel like we just never talk anymore, except when we argue. Arguments almost become the negative attention feedback.
Think about your kids, when they want your attention sometimes they’ll settle for doing something bad just so you’ll give them the negative attention. Negative attention is better than no attention. When your marriage is heading in this direction, it’s not a good idea.
In her book, Kirshebaum offers some solutions for marriages that are starving for time with each other such as being honest with each other. If you’re both busy or perceive that you are, compare notes and schedules. Try to see honestly how much time you’re spending with each other, on the job, doing chores, as a family and having fun. Consider both perceptions as accurate and try to see if there are any areas that one or both of you can trim back in to make more time for the other.
Another key suggestion is to focus on your relationship, the one that is about husband and wife. Remember, your children are more perceptive than people will give them credit for. They will sense the tension long before you think they are aware of it. So if the two of you are not focusing on each other, your kids may be aware of that distance as well. So make sure there’s time to connect each and every day whether it’s a hug, a kiss or just sitting together and holding hands while talking.
Finally, a great solution for marriages that are dying of emotional starvation is to give them exactly what they are starving for: time. Spend time with each other. There’s the date night idea, but also decide on a time every evening where you are both done with what you are doing and leaving quality time for each other. This is the time when you get to relax and just enjoy each other whether walking, reading books, watching movies or just talking. It’s about being together. For the marriage that’s starving for time, it’s one of the best solutions.