We spend a lot of time picking out our children’s names. We pour over baby name books, search our favorite names from literature, movies, sports, and try various versions of first and middle names before we settle on just the perfect moniker. Alas, these kids come with minds and personalities of their own and it is not unusual for a child to change, adjust or reject their name as they grow and evolve and take on something they feel suits them better. Some kids have been known to change their name a few times before settling on the name or nickname they carry with them into adulthood.
One of my daughter’s changed the spelling of her name in the first grade. Just when she was learning to spell, she decided to announce her independence and authority by changing the way her own name was put together. I was prepared. I actually chose my kids’ names in part so they would lend themselves to various versions, nicknames, etc. I wanted them to have options just in case the names I chose didn’t suit them at all. So, she came home one day and announced she was changing how her name was spelled at the age of six. “Okay,” I said, “It’s your name.”
However, her stern Midwestern teacher did not feel the same way. She flatly refused to change the way she spelled my daughter’s name–we’re talking one letter change here–saying it was already on all her paperwork that way, and that was what her “parents had intended.” So, she would NOT, and I repeat NOT give in to such foolishness. Well, I can’t help but think that had the first-grade teacher (who was not an older woman, I’ll have you know, she was actually younger than me–and I was a young mom) gone with the flow a little more, it would have been a passing thing but my daughter. But, since an authority figure had taken such a staunch and adamant opposition to her fledgling attempts at independence–it became a matter of principal and determination, and the name change stuck.
Like many moves our children make, it can be hard not to take a name change or adjustment personally–it can feel like a rejection of something we so carefully chose. But, also like this challenging path we are on with our children, it really isn’t a personal attack (usually) or really meant to be about us at all–it’s about their meandering march to independence and self-identity. Changing a name is a strong and courageous way to assert oneself as unique and one bold way of self expression. I myself always wanted a nickname–I had hoped that life would grant me with a colorful, meaningful name that I “earned” or “chose” instead of the name I’d been given. It’s not too late, I guess, maybe I could spend the next forty years with something else that suits my aging self, or maybe I’ll just change the way I spell my given name (but then I’d have to change all my paperwork!)