The emotional recovery after a miscarriage is often much more difficult than the physical recovery. The process takes longer as well. Months and even years after a loss, the pain can suddenly seem fresh again.
One of the most difficult parts of emotional recovery is the reaction of the people in your life. Some people are very supportive and sympathetic. Others either disregard the depth of your feelings or discount the real pain you are experiencing.
Most people mean well. They may say things that seem insensitive. This is usually because they are trying to make you feel better or simply don’t know what to say. After I lost my babies, I heard things like, “It was God’s Will.” or “It was meant to be.” or my personal favorite, “You’re young, you can try again.” As well meaning as these people may have been, their words only made me feel worse.
There’s a reason I felt worse. These works minimize the feelings of the mother. Remember, you are a mother. No matter how brief the time of your pregnancy, you did have a baby. You need to acknowledge that and grieve for your loss. This is an important step in emotional recovery.
Surround yourself with people who support you and acknowledge your loss. Spend time talking with a friend or family member who has gone through a miscarriage in the past. Other moms are the best source of support because they have been there and understand how you feel. Support groups are also available and can be found through RESOLVE, a national group dedicated to infertility.
You may find certain dates to be more difficult than others. For example, the due date and the anniversary of the miscarriage can be tough days. Do something to honor your baby on that day. My husband and I planted an orange tree in our backyard. We were living in Florida and I liked the idea of a tree that would bear fruit each year.
However you choose to work through your grief, be sure to allow time to go through the process. Trying to minimize it or not experience the pain will prolong your emotional healing. Eventually you will heal emotionally and feel ready to try again.
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