The final two sections in this chapter discuss the necessity of restitution and obedience to repentance. As I read, I was able to logically determine something that I had accepted before on faith, and figure out just why a commitment to live the commandments was so important when you are repenting.
Let me start by saying that most often, we are to accept things in faith. This is how we grow spiritually. Thus if a prophet (like President Kimball) or a bishop tells you that part of the repentance process is following the Lord’s commands, you should accept it. Reason comes into play later, after you have followed the counsel of the Lord’s leaders. If you question this counsel, then pray about it and receive confirmation; reason will follow. Let me also add a waiver: this is what made sense to me. If it doesn’t ring true to you, don’t let the logic I use deter you from the counsel given. When in doubt, follow the prophet, not me.
True repentance comes with godly sorrow. If you have ever sinned to the degree that you felt seriously cut off from the Spirit, you will rue that loss. Thus, a part of repentance includes an almost tangible longing to tie oneself closer to the Spirit. We seek to do everything in our power to bring ourself closer to the Lord, and this includes a strong desire to keep the commandments.
But this doesn’t just apply to “big” sins. President Kimball stated that “since all of us sin in greater or lesser degree, we are all in need of constant repentance, of continually raising our sights and our performance.” Though I still feel the Holy Ghost as I work to break my bad habit, I can tell that the presence is not as strong as it could be. The other side of the coin is the role that the Spirit plays in helping us identify “minor” sins. These may be as simple as thinking unkind thoughts about someone we know, in or out of church, or losing our temper in rush hour traffic. We might not recognize them as we do them, but the Holy Ghost can bring them to our mind as we kneel by our beds in prayer.
I then pondered these “little” sins, especially the ones I needed to be reminded of (as opposed to the ones I committed and then went, “Oops, that’s not good!”). Often, as the Spirit helps me recognize them at night or while taking the sacrament, I offer a contrite apology and ask the Lord to help me improve. The question I am currently struggling with, after the whole “longing to draw closer to the Lord” blog, is, am I sincerely repentance? Do I have godly sorrow for those sins? On the one hand, while I am not drawn out in earnest, Enos-like prayer over them, I do have the desire to draw closer to God by kicking those things out of my life.
Is that enough? I’m still not sure. What do you think?
Related Articles:
RS/EQ: Hope and Repentance (from this week)
RS/EQ: The Work of Repentance(from this week)