Yesterday I wrote about a conversation in which my oldest asked about whether or not it was okay to not be as smart as her little brother. While the twins are too young really to know what’s going on, the older three are intuitive enough to recognize that Alex is highly intelligent in this specific academic area.
Conventional wisdom says that you should talk about how each one is gifted differently. Certainly this is true. My oldest is a very talented artist and considering she’s 7, takes some amazing photographs. My 4 year old speaks Spanish really well; better than many of her Hispanic friends. They were all made to be different from each other and we want to encourage them in their areas of interest and talent. However, telling my girls this (which we do) is akin in their minds to telling them they’re pretty: we say it because we have to. While we certainly want to instill in them the idea that they are made for a special purpose, knowing this does not necessarily have a settling effect.
Return on Investment
In the Bible, there is a story about three men who were each given some money to invest on behalf of their master while he was away. Two of the servants took the money, worked hard and by the time the master returned they had doubled what he had given them. The third servant however, buried the money in the ground. My kids have a choice: they can take their abilities and talents and bury them in the ground or they can work hard to achieve as much as they possibly can.
You see, the playing field doesn’t have to start out even and honestly, it doesn‘t even have to end up even. It certainly doesn’t in life. What I want my children to know is that they are responsible for what they’ve been given. We will nurture them, encourage them and do whatever it takes to help them flourish academically. But in the end, their education is as much about their character and work ethic as it is about books.
Humility
Humility: someone who does not think of themselves as better than others.
We have found that teaching the concept of humility has been key in helping our kids deal with Alex and his abilities. Alex is learning that his abilities are not to be a source of pride for him, but rather a ’talent’ that he can invest or waste. My girls on the other hand, are learning that through humility they can have pride in their own accomplishments without comparing themselves to Alex. Likewise, even for us, our son’s abilities are not a reflection of our good parenting skills or our excellent teaching. Having humility in our own lives, enables us to rejoice in the triumphs of others. As my kids grow in humbleness they are free to be excited about each other’s accomplishments.
I am sure that if Alex were in a gifted and talented program no one would bother wasting so much time on his character. Of course, at home, character training is constant as opposed to a separate subject in school that must be covered. I have seen how focusing on his abilities in this way has helped him avoid some of the more common social pitfalls that gifted kids have. How ironic is it that focusing on some of these social skills at home actually leads to better academic performance for all those involved? Of course we knew that didn’t we?!
For an introduction to Alex read, Do Not Instill a Love of Learning in Your Children.
Other Articles on Homeschooling Our Gifted Son:
Thoughts on Homeschooling A Gifted Child
Why We Are Not Testing Our Gifted Son
Homeschooling Our Gifted Son: The Basics
Read other articles on socialization.