Parenting is emotional stuff. We can be so bonded and attached to our children, as well as our role of parent, that emotions rule the day. Experts suggest, however, that remaining calm and neutral during times when discipline is called for can actually make discipline more effective and help avoid power struggles and emotionally charged situations. Sounds good, right? But, is it easier said than done?
We’ve all been told that we should avoid using words like “bad” and losing our tempers when our children misbehave, but it sure can be tough not to get angry, frustrated and emotional during times of stress and extremely challenging behaviors. I think it helps to identify what our triggers are and have some self-awareness around which situations are likely to send us over the edge. After all, our children know our triggers and just what to do and how to “push our buttons,” so, it’s really a good idea for us to know them as well. That way we can work on creating calming techniques and ways to recognize when our buttons are being pushed by our children’s behavior and develop the skills to get and stay calm and neutral.
Experts also suggest that if a parent is feeling to emotionally charged, to postpone the disciplinary action (or reaction) until emotions have been composed. It can be tough not to want to act in the moment. Even in situations where safety is an issue, a parent can remove a child from the situation and then take time to get composed and calm prior to administering reactions or discipline. This really gives the parent the advantage. Whenever we let our emotions rule and get the best of us in stressful situations, it can give our kids the edge and/or make them feel insecure and more likely to act out since they sense that mom or dad is NOT in control.
I know that staying calm, cool and collected when disciplining children is a huge challenge–boy, oh, boy do I know! But, it is one of the cornerstones of effective and consistent discipline. So, working on fostering a calm, neutral manner when it’s time to discipline can make a parent a much more effective role model, teacher and guiding influence.