Courage is being scared to death–and saddling up anyway. – John Wayne
So I was watching The Incredibles with my daughter over the weekend. The flu is running rampant through the house so it was mostly a quiet day as we could make it. The Incredibles is a fun film and I was really impressed with the handling of it because while it was put out by Pixar it was also a Disney production. Disney seems infamous for killing off parents, so I enjoyed seeing both parents together and alive in the film.
However, what I wanted to talk about today was the interesting things I noted about Helen and Bob Parr. In the beginning of the film, we’re introduced to the Supers. More specifically, we’re introduced to Mr. Incredible. He’s strong, he’s tough and he’s running almost on time. We’re not sure where he as to be but he averts a robbery, rescues a cat, stops a car chase and saves a trainload of people all in the first few minutes. (We’ll leave the disasters alone.)
We find out very quickly that he was on his way to his wedding. When he arrives, the bride is already at the altar and it’s Robert Parr who walks down the aisle to join his bride. His bride, Helen (also known as Elastigirl) chastises Bob for his tardiness and for seeming to forget their wedding was going to take place. Bob brushes it off because he did make it and he never forgot.
But one thing that Helen says to him that really stands out in my memory is the line “Bob, if we’re going to make this work, we need to be a team. It’s about us.”
She’s right.
Marriages are when two people get together and join their lives. After that, they aren’t just an addition Husband +1 nor are they a hanger on Mrs. John Smith. No they are a unit that has two components and those components may still have individual aspects to their lives, but on the whole who and what they are is a team.
Over the course of the movie, we see that while Helen may miss being a super-hero, she’s moved on. She’s matured. She’s accepted her role as a parent and embraced it. Bob is stuck in a ho-hum job with an annoying twit of a boss and obsessed with dreams of yesterday. He practically ignores his family and their troubles and it’s all Helen can do to get him to look up from his newspaper and fallen dreams to reconnect.
It’s not until Bob begins acting as a super-hero in secret that some of his interest in life is revved up again, but still he keeps his secret from Helen. Then when disaster strikes, the family has to pull together and Bob needs to get it together so they can all survive.
Bob and Helen were at different stages in their emotional development when they got married. They remained at different stages until reconnecting at the end of the tale. What stands out in all of this is that the largest problem they had was a lack of communication. Helen really wanted Bob to just let the past go and she couldn’t understand why he embraced it and ignored them. Bob wanted Helen’s support and real understanding, not just her admonishments.
Luckily, they did remember how to be a team and while they may never have the perfect marriage, they have the strength and flexibility to persevere. It’s funny where life lessons can come from.