Like most families, my kids and I have been through a lot together—cross country moves, illnesses, job changes, family reconfigurations, and various houses, schools, phases and passions. Strangely enough, we all have different versions of how the past two decades have gone down. Sometimes, when we’re comparing stories, I wonder if we were actually all in the same “play” or not!
It’s absolutely fascinating to compare our versions of things that happened. Now that my kids are older and quite eloquent, they’re willing to tell me things that were a “big secret” from mom a dozen years or so ago. It’s quite fun to hear of secrets and adventures that I really didn’t know anything about (the time they unearthed the buried cat bones accidentally and were afraid they’d brought some curse down on the family, for example) or for them to find out that there were things I really DID know all about all these years.
When we’re comparing our stories, we realize how much perception, age, fantasy and all sorts of other details and influences can color our versions of what happened. Some times, I definitely find myself justifying stories from my perspective. After all, I was the grown-up who had to make some rather tough and painful decisions. But, it’s good for me to hear how they perceived things at the time, how they see them now, and we’re able to do some group processing and “therapy” around what really happened and how everyone was affected. Comparing stories is a great way to let go of some old baggage and perceptions and create more rounded, complete understanding of a family’s history.
I’ve learned that even when I thought I was operating with the best of intentions, my kids didn’t necessarily get out of a situation what I hoped or intended. But, I’ve also learned that some of the most fleeting, seemingly unimportant moments of the past two decades—the moments I’ve totally forgotten—are the ones my kids remember as being the most meaningful.
See Also: The Art of Storytelling, Fun Family Reunion Activities